I can recall, as a kid, my uncle had many, many, many girlfriends. He playfully referred to himself as a “pimp”, “player” or “G.” He had so many girlfriends that he fathered over eight children by these various women. He was using sex as his way of numbing painful past trauma, and he had become addicted to the oxytocin release that these sexual encounters provided.
Let’s be honest–mental and emotional health hasn’t always been a priority in our community. Because of that, we developed unhealthy coping skills to survive. Perhaps, Big Momma cooked and ate all of that good food to bury the pain that she had not dealt with. Aunt XYZ may have relied on anger and lashing out when she felt overwhelmed. And cousin so-and-so may have used sex to feel valued. Those are toxic learned behaviors that many of our family members have passed down to us through the generations.
I am grateful that today, as a community, we have embraced mental health awareness. We have worked diligently to remove the stigma attached to mental illnesses and mental health services. Our black churches have also begun to join this movement by referring members to mental health providers and removing the judgment attached to mental health disorders. You can certainly love Jesus and see a therapist!
As most of you know by now, my objective is to help our community improve our emotional health. As we slowly approach October which is mental health awareness month, make sure to continue to do the work by purchasing The Black Girl’s Guide to Healing Emotional Wounds for yourself and a friend. Read it alone, with your family, in a book club, or in your small group. You may also swing by our store to make other purchases to help you and your family heal.
Wishing you and yours continued healing! Black Mental Health and Toxic Patterns