Although I’m not a single mom, I’m a child of one. Therefore, I witnessed, first-hand, the stress and pain that single moms often experience. My mother did not plan to raise me alone, but it happened, and she did what she had to do. I watched as she sometimes worked two to three jobs to keep poverty away from us. I saw her juggle work and parenting, even on the days she didn’t feel like it— this is where the Superwoman complex stems from, ya’ll. Her exhaustion and sadness is something I became all too familiar with as I saw her claw her way through the most difficult of times.
My mother was in her early twenties when she gave birth to me, so she also had to balance raising a child while trying to find herself. I can’t imagine the toll that took on her emotionally.
Even though today, my sister and I are both adults with our own families and my mother’s work of raising children is complete, her wounds are still present. In her eyes, I see the residue of resentment at a life she possibly didn’t get a chance to have, yet wished she did. In her reactions, I see the sting of bitterness from the challenges she had to overcome. Although my mother loves us deeply and genuinely, being a single mom took away her softness and forced her to be resilient yet gruff and stern. Her courage is something I admire, and her tough exterior quite frankly, is something I loathe.
If you are a single mother, I want you to know that you may have some wounds but there is hope. Here are a few tips to help you heal:
Acceptance- You must accept that it happened to you. Decide not to wrestle with it any longer. Forgive yourself for any mistakes you made. Remove the bitterness and shame by talking about your experiences in safe spaces. Think of all the good that came from your difficulties.
Find your village– You do not have to parent alone or be alone. Find your tribe. Start with communities such as Mocha Moms Inc, community moms groups, or small groups within your church. Healing occurs in community.
The gift of rest– The gift that I give to my mother every chance I get whether it’s her birthday or just because is rest and self-care. I send her to the spa or buy her some tea and a book while encouraging her to take it easy. I take her to her favorite restaurant, buy her flowers, and sometimes we keep it simple and sit on the couch together watching her favorite shows. These are the things she needed to do for herself while she was in the throes of parenting but didn’t have the time or money. Rest and self-care are gifts that you can give yourself. Even a day of binge-watching your favorite shows in your pjs will be helpful and soothe your soul.
If you are a single mom, please know that although you may not have signed up for this, and things may not have turned out the way you planned you can still have a great life today.
If you are a single mom how will make time to soothe yourself? If your mom raised you as a single parent how can you show her love and help her get some much-needed rest?