Recognizing and Healing Trauma Bonds

A trauma bond is a powerful, unhealthy emotional attachment that develops toward a person who causes harm, abuse, or manipulation. Maintaining the relationship requires us to accept and participate in abuse or harm.

These bonds are so powerful and enticing that they can be hard to break. It can be confusing because the abuser is not bad all of the time. The abuser mixes periods of cruelty or tension with sudden bursts of affection, kindness, gentleness, love bombing, or regret, creating a vicious cycle. Trauma bonds are not only formed in romantic relationships but can happen in family, friendships, social groups, or workplace situations.

Some examples include:

-The family member who is emotionally abusive but is there to help you when you are sick.

-The romantic partner who is physically abusive and love-bombs after the abuse.

-The friend who enjoys belittling others and their accomplishments and spreads harmful gossip behind your back.

-The coworker who is fun to have lunch with who sabotages other colleagues and steals your ideas without giving you credit.

Healing Trauma Bonds

Here are a few tips to help you heal from Trauma Bonding

Accept the truth- acknowledge the fact that the relationship is unhealthy and that you need to end it.

Go low contact or no contact– if it’s someone you have to interact with daily, like a colleague, continue to be cordial, slowly minimizing contact.

Whether the withdrawal– it’s not easy because your nervous system enjoys the relationship. You will feel the desire to return the phone call or accept the invitation. Choose your emotional health over the toxic rush you gain from this type of friendship.

Therapy– visit a therapist to understand what attracted you to this type of relationship.