Navigating college, friendships, and family expectations

College can be a fun time, but it’s also a season filled with stress that can induce anxiety. From attempting to secure the classes needed, dealing with professors who may be deemed difficult, and navigating shifting friendships, it can feel overwhelming. Particularly, if you are like me, a first-generation college student, you had to manage the expectations of family members.

As of late, our beloved HBCUs have been in the media, and it hasn’t been pleasant. As everyone weighs in on the discussions, what tends to get left out is the emotional toll this takes on the students. Stress that isn’t managed well can lead to toxic coping skills such as overeating or undereating, illegal drug usage, binge drinking, anger, depression, panic attacks, and more serious issues

So before you pick up that bottle, here are some helpful tips to get you through the school year.

Manage Family Expectations– Often parents and caregivers have their own set of expectations-

• Achieve straight As
• Find an internship with a large corporation by a specific time frame
• Graduate by *fill in the blank *
• Study to pursue a career in a certain field

The expectations can lead to pressure. When family feels their expectations are unmet, it leads to frustrations and can even tamper with your self-esteem. Please remember that as a young adult, this is your college experience and future. Gently have conversations with parents about your plans upfront so they don’t feel surprised.  Gain their buy-in by explaining the long-term benefits. You are not only taking control of your affairs, but you are also showing them that you are thinking critically and strategically.

 Sharpen Decision-Making Skills- There are lots of decisions that you will need to make and it can lead to decision fatigue. This is particularly true if you come from a family similar to mine where you weren’t able to hone those skills as a kid or your choices were criticized. Start by making big decisions early in the day when you are fresh and filled with energy. Once you make a decision, believe that whatever the outcome will be, it’s ok because it’s a decision that you made.  

Find your tribe– Finding your tribe isn’t always the easiest thing to do, but it’s essential. This doesn’t mean trying to fit in with the most fashionable or ever-so-popular people on the yard, but seek out those who are able to provide the safety and emotional support needed during tough times. Ask yourself, who would I feel safe turning to for support on my worst days? Invite them for coffee and begin building from there.

Enjoy it- College was one of the most enjoyable seasons of my life. My classmates and I still get together and laugh about the good times we shared. Live in the moment and enjoy it, because you can’t get these years back. Discover yourself while maintaining your core values. Study abroad, take courses that interest you outside of your major, join clubs that expand your thinking, meet and spend time with people who have a different background from you. Don’t just go to college—Go to College!