“Anything a man loves, he takes care of.”

These are the words my husband has said to me on numerous occasions, and they are true. Before marrying my husband, I dated guys who were “sneakerheads”. They adored their sneakers so much that they would carefully and meticulously clean them with a toothbrush and faint at the thought of putting those shoes in the washer or dryer.

I also dated the guy who loved his flashy car– his whip. Every Saturday morning, I’d watch him hand-wash it, assuring the entire car, including the tires, were buffed, polished, and shined. What I realized was that some of those men who placed so much effort into their “things” didn’t devote that same level of attention and care to me–I’m just being real here.

But being naive and hungry for love, back in those days, I did whatever I thought I needed to do in order for them to love me. So, if it meant doing things I was uncomfortable with or things I didn’t enjoy, I did it. If it meant doing things that were illegal, I did it. If it meant doing things that didn’t line up with my values, I did it. If it meant putting up with his toxic personality, I did it. If it meant losing other relationships that were once valuable to me, I let them go–..for him. I wanted to win his love.

I’m here to tell you that this is not love and a waste of time. God, the creator of love tells us that love is kind, generous, and not self-seeking.

Ask yourself today…

• Is my partner kind to me all the time?
• Does my partner consider me, my feelings, and my well-being when they make decisions?
• Is my partner self-seeking or selfish?
• Does this person value me the way they value their “things”?
• Do I love myself more than I love being in a relationship with this person?

We see our emotional health in the partners we choose. Always choose people who will choose you in every decision and bring out the best in you.

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